Random Thinking At 4AM

Thoughts while most normal people are still asleep

New Year’s Resolution: Angry Driving

Every year after a few drinks at home on New Year’s Eve, the subject always
seems to surface about how we can each improve our lives in the upcoming twelve
months to be a better person.  These resolutions rarely if ever actually make it
to the finish line, however the alcohol usually aids us in setting these goals
and objectives anyways.  From healthy diets to making more time available for
exercise, in most cases these plans fall by the wayside by the third week of
January.  This year was no different from the rest.  However, as I was stewing
in traffic on my way to work the other day, an epiphany of epic proportions
revealed itself to me…I am a very angry driver!  I set forth devising a
strategy to remove this stressful situation immediately, therefore setting a
healthy and hopefully obtainable resolution to change the interior of my Chevy
Impala into a safer, G rated place for myself and my family.

As with overcoming any obstacle, the support and cooperation of those around you are
crucial in assisting one kick a bad habit.  Here are a few suggestions that I
have developed that will help me in obtaining freedom from the grips of road
rage by passing them along to you:

1. Many years ago an engineer for one of the car companies invented a
handy and useful device that works wonders to alert others of a sudden lane
change or quick right turn.  He called this option the Turn Signal.  Every day I
encounter several other drivers that either have never been shown the blinker
stick or forgot what the long handle directly in front of their noses did and
therefore avoid touching it before consulting the owner’s manual, which would be
considered distracted driving, so they just don’t use it.  If you rediscover the
joy of using the Turn Signal, not only will others around you appreciate your
generosity, but the motion involved in clicking it on burns approximately
.003791 calories…which also helps you with your weight loss and fitness
resolutions.

2. When following another driver that is following someone else
in the fast lane that is chatting away on their cellphone and their speed
continues decreasing gradually, this qualifies as a “Don’t shoot the messenger
for the message” situation.  Gesturing angrily at the second driver in line is
not acceptable in any way, shape, or form.  If I counted the times this has
happened to me I would have enough birds to open my own aviary!

3. Trying to weave in and out of stop and go rush hour traffic not only creates an extreme form of motion sickness in your fellow commuters, but also usually ends up in
adding to the already maddening delays when you end up a blip on the daily
traffic reporter’s map due to the result of a “Fender Bender” or a “Police
Situation”.  You usually end up getting passed by the “patient” drivers anyways
a mile up the road, so don’t be a jackbag..stay in line like the rest of
us.

Hopefully these tips will not only be useful to everyone out there on
the highways across this nation, but will also result in helping me enter the
land of peaceful, stress-free commutes, therefore aiding me in beating a
resolution for the first time in many.years.  Then I will be able to put all my energy and focus into next years plan…not being an angry passenger!

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